after almost six weeks of really disliking my job, i have finally had a good day.  it’s what i was expecting when i agreed to take it.  i had very good communication with my main cow-orker, and i let her know that i thought she was very difficult to read (i consider myself to be a good judge of poeple’s emotions and feelings), which was really bothering me.  plus, there was a lot of work to do today, which made me finally feel useful.  i was feeling very useless, and redundant.  i actually believe there isn’t enough work for two people.  definitely too much work for one, but not enough for two.

i also taught a class this morning, which always makes me feel good.  and i played softball after work.  i also did something kinda bitchy intentionally.  someone’s been parking poorly at work, and i blocked his car in for being a bitch.  he’s a custodian, who gets to work early enough to have better parking, but choose to park in a tandem spot, wasting two spaces.

movie night consisted of buckets of fried chicken and fixin’s from kfc, and watching eight ninths of the william shatner roast on comedy.

yesterday was a movie night field trip–little miss sunshine was so funny, i cried.  jnb3 was howling next to me, and laughing with me at inappropirate moments.  bless his heart.

disneyland was sunday, and that awesome too.  and saturday was the cactus show and dinner with banana (aka sanfranann).  i’m very lucky to have good friends who are taking good care of me while my love is away.  i love you, and we’ll be back together soon.

anyway, good day.  finally.  i’ve been waiting for this.  for too long.  i’m expecting more of this.  not hope.  expect.

…and for strength.

it could just be worse than it is because i’d prefer to have you around…

as if it weren’t apparent enough that i miss you, here’s another reason:

i live in a world where i’m forced to be an adult. i have to be miss teacher every day, for longer than i’d like. especially with this new job, where i don’t work with kids anymore. so now, i’m über-adult. and there isn’t anyone around to indulge me in my childish tendencies. my inner eight year-old is screaming for attention, and no one’s giving it up.

you were my enabler, if you choose to believe that. you allowed me to be goofy, and pout, and escape from the doldrums of everyday existence. sometimes, it’s just all too heavy for me, and you were the one to lift that burden. you were the strong one because i couldn’t be. sometimes, i feel too weak for this, and i need your strength.

so, i’ve been going to the gym about three to four times a week since salty’s left. but i’m just not losing fast enough. i’m down to 130, which i’m ok with, but i’d like to be down another five or ten pounds by fiji time. that means that exercise alone won’t cut it. i’ve got to put in caloric restriction as well. sucks. i hate limiting my food intake. i’ve had the eating disorder, and i’ve learned that i truly love food, but i don’t like the feeling of eating. but that i’d deal with the full feeling because i loved food.

beh. futhamuckas.